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A complete siddur (prayer book) for the period of bereavemen

The laws and customs of the year of mourning.




The Yahrzeit Organization
More Past Question's and Answers Page

The Yahrzeit Organization takes no Halacha responsibility for the answers given and advises every one to consult with their local Rabbi at all times.

The following are questions and answers that have been collected over the years.

All Naming Questions
Top 20 Question's and Answers
Kaddish Question's and Answers
General Question's and Answers

Our Torah is going to be buried in the very near future
During the first year after the death of a parent, does one say Yizkor
Eating with the bereaved family
What does one do with the garments cut during shiva
Last year I had a miscarriage
What is the prayer for lighting the 24 hour memorial candle
Children born on the day of the new moon
Non-Jewish mother passed away last year
Why do mourners take three steps back
Are there any other prayers for the deceased
My Gentile father passed away in August
If one is unable to make a "Tikkun" in shul
Why is the Kaddish speak of such joyous praise for God
What is the exact definition of Yahrtzeit
11 months that Ishould say Kaddish
Which days one is supposed to light candles for a deceased parent
Do you have yahrzeit on the birthday of the deceased
Appropriate or customery gift
Can I use any candle for a yahrzeit

Q) Our Torah is going to be buried in the very near future.
As the Family Educator of our congregation, I am writing to you for help locating resources to help explain the process to the children.
We are also gathering books and old tallism for a "g'nezah". Do have resources that I can use in explaining this scared place?
A) You should contact the biker cholim chevra kadisha they will be able to help you.
You can call rabbi yosi handler at 718-837-6228 tell him that I told you to contact him. sincerely Rabbi Yd Webster

Q) During the first year after the death of a parent, does one say Yizkor?
A) Yes

Q) Is it appropriate for visitors not members of the bereaved family to eat in the house of mourning after the funeral?
A) If they are good friends, there would be nothing wrong with it. Halachaly it is allowed!

Q) Please can you advise: what does one do with the garments cut during shiva?
Are they kept, should they be buried after the week is over, are they destroyed?
A) Some Rabbis say they should be thrown away, others say you can sew them up.
You should consult your local orthodox Rabbi.

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Q) Last year I had a miscarriage. I am not Jewish, but the father is. As I prepare to deal with the grief of the anniversary date, which is soon, I find myself very much wanting to say Kaddish. Is this allowed? Can a non-Jewish woman say Kaddish for a child lost in a miscarriage? If so, please give me an outline of how to do this. Do I light a candle? What do I say? Do I say Kaddish in a synagogue or at home? Etc.?
A) A child is not considered a child or alive until birth and a live birth at that, so therefore under Jewish Law there is no such obligation and it is not allowed! This is so for the rest of the questions as they all fall under the same catagory.

Q) What is the prayer for lighting the 24 hour memorial candle?
A) No Prayers is said.

Q) Is there anything in Hebrew/Jewish tradition about children born on the day of the new moon. I am asking for myself since I was born on the new moon, and my life has been anything but ordinary. Just trying to find the meaning of many things in my life.
A) Not that we know of.

Q) I am a Ger and have been an observant orthodox jew for more than 10 years. My mother passed away last year and wonder whether it is appropriate to light a candle for her and on what date (English or Hebrew)
A) Although you are a Ger and the Halacha is that you do not have parents in the eyes of the torah with regard to observing any laws. However, there is nothing wrong with you lighting a candle if that is what you would like. One would light it on her English day.

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Q) I have been asked a question regarding the Kaddish which I cannot find the answer to [if there is one]. Why do mourners take three steps back in the recitation of the Kaddish? Is there an answer; rabbinic or otherwise?
A) The reason we take three steps is to show respect to Hashem ( as if to take leave of Hashem )just as when we take three steps after reciting Shemona Esrai.

Q) I say Kaddish for my parents and brother, but are there another prayer as appropriate to honor them.
A) Please see

Q) My Gentile father passed away in August. My Jewish relatives, friends and I said Kaddish at his gravesite. We also filled in the entire grave by ourselves. Then I said Kaddish during the High Holy Days. What are my responsibilities from an Orthodox point of view. When is Kaddish said. I know I should be attending services daily for a year, but I am not Orthodox. However, I do want to understand the law.
A) Your Father being Gentile would leave you with no responsibilities in Jewish law.

Q#2) What if my father had been Jewish?
A#2) The what if would be too much to answer in an e-mail.
Try getting a book called Mourning in Halacha at

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Q) If one is unable to make a "Tikkun" in shul the morning of the yahrzeit, is it approriate to do so in one's home the previous evening? If the yahrzeit falls on Shabbat, would an Oneg Shabbat in one's home on Friday night in honor of the departed be appropriate?
A) If one is not able to make a Tikkun in Shul you may make it at home. The purpose of the Tikun is to have people make Brachos and the reason why they are making a Bracha is because of the departed person and that is the Tikkun

Q) If you would be so kind to answer my question. I just read the English translation of the Kaddish for the first time. The words speak of nothing but joyous praise for God. Why then, is it spoken so mournfully as a dirge, in remembrance of the dead?
A) It is designed to comfort the mourner and have the mourner come to terms that the world has a Creator and propose and each person has a job (as to say) to do and when its done its over.There are dozens of reasons why it is in the format it is in as well as the language and even the letters that are used but this is beyond the scope of this e-mail.

Q) Hi, I am a college student and I am doing some research on Judaism.I have had trouble locating the exact definition of Yahrtzeit and was wondering if you could help.
A) Remember or Anniversary is most common

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Q) Could you please confirm the last time within the 11 months that Ishould say Kaddish? My father died on May 3, 2000 (well before sundown). I've had two answers. One was at Minchah on March 22, 2001, and the other was at Minchah on March 23, 2001. Could you please advise which is the correct date?
If I may be presumptuous enough to ask a second question, a fellow congregant's Mother died on March 11, 2000 (well before sundown). He has also been given two answers, January 27, 2001, and January 28, 2001. Again, could you please answer, which is the appropriate date for his last Kaddish of the 11 months?
A) The only reason not to say Kaddish for 12 months is for the person saying not to think that the parent was so evil they require a full year of Kaddish.
Some very grate Rabbis paid students to say Kaddish for them as long as 2 to 3 years.
With your father say till the 23rd and for fellow congregant's Mother saytill the 28th

Q) I'm not sure if this is the correct email address for questions about Yartzeit. Could you please tell me which days one is supposed to light candles for a deceased parent? I know that the Yizkor service is on Yom Kippur, Passover, Shavuot, and Succot. Are Yartzeit candles lit only on the Yartzeit date, on the Yartzeit date and Yom Kippur or on the Yartzeit date, Yom Kippur and the other three Yom Tovs?
A) Yes on the Yahrzeit Date and all three Yom Tovs.

Q) Do you have yahrzeit on the birthday of the deceased? Is there any special prayer, etc. on the birthday?
A) No only on the Death.

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Q) I was reading about the Jewish Naming custom on your website. It sounds like a wonderful tradition! I am a Christian and am unfamilar with the custom. I have however been invited to a Hebrew naming ceremony for friends of mine. I would like to do something special for their daughter but I am not sure of what is an appropriate or customery gift. Any suggestions?
A) No suggestions just something they would like

Q) Can I use any candle for a yahrzeit or if I wanted to make one can I?
A) You can make one if you like.

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